still unwritten <33

blahhhh

2006-06-27T22:40:49Z

OMG! rob's surgery is tomorrow and i'm a somewhat freaking out. i mean the actual surgery isn't such a big deal but this is the first time i will be the one waiting. i would rather be the one in the OR. welll the whole family is going so it should def be interesting. i think i'm more nervous because i don't know what to expect. i have faith and trust the surgeon but i still have this HUGE knot in my stomach. i just want the surgery to be over. ::sigh::

please keep him in your thoughts and prayers tomorrow morning. thank you!

Happy Birthday to meeee!!

2006-06-14T02:39:18Z

Yesterday was my birthday! I am now 20 years old (getting up there) LoL. I had the best day and spent it with my love. I got a beautiful gold anklet. And he got me cake! soo cute <3 His family got me some really nice gifts too. It was def a surprise. Best birthday in awhile.

soooo tired

2006-06-07T21:16:48Z

ok well its been like tooo long since my last entry...about 6 months! I finished this past semester on the dean's list :) and now I'm back home and making that money to pay for my new orange car $$ That's pretty much all I've been doing lately is working. On my days off, I try to go to NY and spend time with Rob <3. I'm going up there next week to celebrate our birthdays. Mine is the 12th and his is the 18th. Then the next time I'm going up there is to spend a week with him for his surgery...I'm so excited for him but yet I'm sooo nervous. I know everything will be ok but I'm still nervous. I'm taking classes @ BCC starting in July right after that week with Rob so that is going to suck. Before I know it, I'll be back in school. But everything is good and I am happy with my life.

waaaaaa

2006-01-23T15:33:26Z

OMG Peru was amazinggg...I just spent the last month in the most amazing place. Cusco, Peru!! There were so many memories created both good and bad. I def learned a lot about the culture and the Incas. I can't wait to go back...2009 baby!! And I got to spend it with my bestest....LANA!!!! <3

Now, I'm back to reality and in school. Kinda sux but it's nice to have so many good memories.

ahhhh

2005-12-12T05:02:59Z

2 dayssss till I'm in Peru!!

ahhh so much to do but so very little time!

!!!!

2005-12-07T17:24:58Z

ONE WEEK!!!

def not ready...

Update.

2005-11-22T18:50:23Z

I am sitting in the computer lab because my computer crapped out on me about 2 weeks ago. Oh well. I just took a nutrition test which I don't think I did too good on. My teacher basically just told me that I suck at my major. Eh w/e.

OMG! I can't believe Peru is less than a month away. I am so freakin' excited, I can't stand it. I'm going to Peru for a whole month...the only problem is I suck at Spanish. Haha, I'll figure it out. I can't wait to be there and just experience something different. Although, I am very sad about leaving Rob for a month. I mean I know I'll see him when I get back but a month is going to feel like forever. I guess this will be a test.

Now I gotta go pack and get ready to bounce! Going home..!!

Surgery

2005-10-10T15:45:11Z

So, my surgery was on Friday. I had a laparoscopic cholecystectomy. Which means that they removed my gallbladder with three small incisions instead of one big one. They surgery went ok but the surgeon could not believe how severely diseased my gallbladder was for a 19 year old. He was surpirised that I wasn't in constant pain. It was inflamed and had scar tissue all around it that started to adhere to my liver which is why the surgery took about a half an hour longer than expected.
I only had to stay one night at the hospital but that was one night too many. Besides the obvious pain from my abdomen, laying on my back 24/7 hurts like all hell. I can't even stand up straight or breathe deep without it hurting. This SUCKS. I mean I have painkillers but like they don't even help much, I just take them before I go to sleep because it helps to fall asleep faster.
I just want this pain to go away go I can start doing things for myself. I hate having to depend on people for stupid things like picking up something off the floor or reaching the box of cereal.

::sigh:: It's always something...

<33

2005-09-16T06:24:43Z

The perfect guy: the perfect guy would be the one who you can talk to about anything, he would make you laugh even when all you want to do is cry, hes the one who you constantly think about and the one who you love and hate at the same time, the one who would drop anything to help you, the one who can make you smile with the smallest words, hes the one who does something so small yet is the most thoughtful thing ever, he does random things to make you happy and never lets you down.

:)

<3

2005-09-08T01:36:16Z

* As soon as you get online ... whos name do you look for first ? When a slow song comes on the radio -- whose face comes to your mind first ? When you hear your phone ringing ... who do you hope it is callin' ? Whose name makes your heart skip a beat ??? *

ROBERT!

School

2005-08-30T15:10:10Z

So...I'm back at school. I moved in on Sunday and and started classes yesterday. So far everything is going good and I am sooo happy to have my freedom back.

Janey,,,

2005-08-08T02:11:24Z

sooo...Janey was here for a few days and had to leave early because her grandma isn't doing so good. And I understand but it just blows. Oh Well. I know it's for the best. But we did have a good day in the city yesterday. Janey first got bitchslapped by a pigeon and then molested by the naked cowboy HAHA fun times!

well now it's back to working all the time. oh wellz :(

LBI

2005-07-28T02:10:49Z

Just got back from LBI with Rob and his family. I had a GREAT past couple of days. The beach was so hot but it was worth it to spend a few hours on the beach...finally.

I got to spend some quality time with Rob and we got to talk about things we never talked about before...it was good.Hopefully I will get to see him soon with Janey coming to visit and me working all the time.

Time to pass out...

My Summer

2005-07-16T02:23:04Z

So, I've still been working pretty much ALL THE TIME so I never have any time for myself. But I actually got to hang out with my girls last weekend, Toni Ann and Krupa. It was awesome catching up with them and finally being able to have some fun.

Nothing new going on in my life. Things are great with Rob, Wednesday is our third month anniversary. I love the way things are going this far even thou being so far sucks. And next week I was invited to go to LBI for two days with him and his family...should be lots of fun.

Time to get some sleep...work @ 9 :(

My Life.

2005-06-17T04:09:02Z

I haven't updated in awhile so here it goes...

I pretty much haven't been doing anything but working. That is all I do, I basically live in Foodtown's Deli. It sucks a lot because I get horrible hours but I need the money to pay back my parents and to buy my books for school this year. I gotta do what I gotta do. Oh well.

Two days ago, I started myself on Weight Watchers. My mom offered to pay for it during the summer so I couldn't pass that up. She was getting worried about my weight because unfortunetly it is starting to affect my health. So it is about time I just get rid of it once and for all. I'm on day two and for me that is a huge accomplishment. I just need to work harder than I ever have and lose most of this fat before Peru.

On a happier note...I got to hang out with Betsy(my bestest) the other day and it was awesome to have a big girl hang out. I wish we could hang out more. AND I just want to add that I have the bestest boyfriend...I <3 RJ

Update on my boring life

2005-05-23T01:36:19Z

Well I have been back home for about a week. All I have been doing is working @ Foodtown and that is all I will be doing all summer. Should be fun...not! Oh well cuz I need the money.

angelgrl1486 @ 2005-04-25T01:21:00

2005-04-25T05:22:03Z

Betsy post:

YEAH I CHANGED THE LAYOUT.

I am so awesome.

*STRUTS*

Betsy Owns.

2005-04-25T05:19:37Z

Everyone...see this awesome new layout? Betsy re-did it and surprised me with it...I LOVE IT!

Thank You, Betsy!

<3

angelgrl1486 @ 2005-04-21T20:09:00

2005-04-22T00:09:13Z

So happy!

:)

UGH.

2005-04-15T22:13:10Z

People Suck.

angelgrl1486 @ 2005-04-09T21:42:00

2005-04-10T01:44:55Z

Well, I'm sitting here @ NJIT...what else is new? Haha.

I have to talk to my mom tonight about my trip to Peru. I really want to go but I would need her to help me out financially. She seems like she is willing to help me out but we'll see. I hope everything works out.

Finally.

2005-03-26T05:41:49Z

Well, I finally have my feelings all straightened out. I think I just like the idea of having a crush on someone. I'm glad I finally figured this out. It just wasn't right for so many reasons. Still friends :)

angelgrl1486 @ 2005-03-23T19:52:00

2005-03-24T00:53:59Z

So, I'm sitting here in Donna's room...bored outta my mind. Eh. Hopefully tomorrow night will make up for it. We'll see.

Fuck my Life.

2005-03-16T21:22:44Z

I'm here in the computer lab because somehow I managed to mess up my laptop. WTF...can't do anything right. Basically my friend told me that there is nothing I can do. Oh well.

I have so much homework to do but of course I don't want to do any of it. What else is new? Haha.

WHATEVER!

My Life

2005-03-10T20:10:46Z

Ode to the Nice Girls
This rant was written because a nice girl finally snapped.

I've read the tribute to the nice guys; this is my response.

This is my tribute to the nice girls. To the nice girls who are overlooked, who become friends and nothing more, who spend hours fixating upon their looks and their personalities and their actions because it must be they that are doing something wrong. This is for the girls who don't give it up on the first date, who don't want to play mind games, who provide a comforting hug and a supportive audience for a story they've heard a thousand times. This is for the girls who understand that they aren't perfect and that the guys they're interested in aren't either, for the girls who flirt and laugh and worry and obsess over the slightest glance, whisper, touch, because somehow they are able to keep alive that hope that maybe... maybe this time he'll have understood. This is an homage to the girls who laugh loud and often, who are comfortable in skirts and sweats and combat boots, who care more than they should for guys who don't deserve their attention. This is for those girls who have been in the trenches, who have watched other girls time and time again fake up and make up and fuck up the guys in their lives without saying a word. This is for the girls who have been there from the beginning and have heard the trite words of advice, from "there are plenty of fish in the sea," to "time heals all wounds." This is to honor those girls who know that guys are just as scared as they are, who know that they deserve better, who are seeking to find it.

This is for the girls who have never been in love, but know that it's an experience that they don't want to miss out on. For the girls who have sought a night with friends and been greeted by a night of catcalling, rude comments and explicit invitations that they'd rather not have experienced. This is for the girls who have spent their weekends sitting on the sidelines of a beer pong tournament or a case race, or playing Florence Nightingale for a vomiting guy friend or a comatose crush, who have received a drunk phone call just before dawn from someone who doesn't care enough to invite them over but is still willing to pass out in their bed. This is for the girls who have left sad song lyrics in their away messages, who have tried to make someone understand through a subliminally appealing profile, who have time and time again dropped their male friend hint after hint after hint only to watch him chase after the first blonde girl in a skirt. This is for the girls who have been told that they're too good or too smart or too pretty, who have been given compliments as a way of breaking off a relationship, who have ever been told they are only wanted as a friend.

This one's for the girls who you can take home to mom, but won't because it's easier to sleep with a whore than foster a relationship; this is for the girls who have been led on by words and kisses and touches, all of which were either only true for the moment, or never real to begin with. This is for the girls who have allowed a guy into their head and heart and bed, only to discover that he's just not ready, he's just not over her, he's just not looking to be tied down; this is for the girls who believe the excuses because it's easier to believe that it's not that they don't want you, it's that they don't want anyone. This is for the girls who have had their hearts broken and their hopes dashed by someone too cavalier to have cared in the first place; this is for the nights spent dissecting every word and syllable and inflection in his speech, for the nights when you've returned home alone, for the nights when you've seen from across the room him leaning a little too close, or standing a little too near, or talking a little too softly for the girl he's with to be a random hookup. This is for the girls who have endured party after party in his presence, finally having realized that it wasn't that he didn't want a relationship: it was that he didn't want you. I honor you for the night his dog died or his grandmother died or his little brother crashed his car and you held him, thinking that if you only comforted him just right, or said the right words, or rubbed his back in the right way then perhaps he'd realize what it was that he already had. This is for the night you realized that it would never happen, and the sunrise you saw the next morning after failing to sleep.

This is for the "I really like you, so let's still be friends" comment after you read more into a situation than he ever intended; this is for never realizing that when you choose friends, you seldom choose those which make you cry yourself to sleep. This is for the hugs you've received from your female friends, for the nights they've reassured you that you are beautiful and intelligent and amazing and loyal and truly worthy of a great guy; this is for the despair you all felt as you sat in the aftermath of your tears, knowing that that night the only companionship you'd have was with a pillow and your teddy bear. This is for the girls who have been used and abused, who have endured what he was giving because at least he was giving something; this is for the stupidity of the nights we've believed that something was better than nothing, though his something was nothing we'd have ever wanted. This is for the girls who have been satisified with too little and who have learned never to expect anything more: for the girls who don't think that they deserve more, because they've been conditioned for so long to accept the scraps thrown to them by guys.

This is what I don't understand. Men sit and question and whine that girls are only attracted to the mean guys, the guys who berate them and belittle them and don't appreciate them and don't want them; who use them for sex and think of little else than where their next conquest will be made. Men complain that they never meet nice girls, girls who are genuinely interested and compelling, who are intelligent and sweet and smart and beautiful; men despair that no good women want to share in their lives, that girls play mindgames, that girls love to keep them hanging. Yet, men, I ask you: were you to meet one of these genuinely interested, thrillingly compelling, interesting and intelligent and sweet and beautiful and smart girls, were you to give her your number and wait for her to call... and if you were to receive a call from her the next day and she, in her truthful, loyal, intelligent and straightforward nice girl fashion, were to tell you that she finds you intriguing and attractive and interesting and worth her time and perhaps material from which she could fashion a boyfriend, would you or would you not immediately call your friends to tell them of the "stalker chick" you'd met the night prior, who called you and wore her heart on her sleeve and told the truth? And would you, or would you not, refuse to make plans with her, speak with her, see her again, and once again return to the bar or club or party scene and search once more for this "nice girl" who you just cannot seem to find? Because therein lies the truth, guys: we nice girls are everywhere. But you're not looking for a nice girl. You're not looking for someone genuinely interested in your intermural basketball game, or your anatomy midterm grade, or that argument you keep having with your father; you're looking for a quick fix, a night when you can pretend to have a connection with another human being which is just as disposable as the condom you were using during it.

So don't say you're on the lookout for nice girls, guys, when you pass us up on every step you take. Sometimes we go undercover; sometimes we go in disguise: sometimes when that girl in the low cut shirt or the too tight miniskirt won't answer your catcalls, sometimes you're looking at a nice girl in whore's clothing - - we might say we like the attention, we might blush and giggle and turn back to our friends, but we're all thinking the same thing: "This isn't me. Tomorrow morning, I'll be wearing a teeshirt and flannel shorts, I'll have slept alone and I'll be making my hungover best friend breakfast. See through the disguise. See me." You never do. Why? Because you only see the exterior, you only see the slutty girl who welcomes those advances. You don't want the nice girl.. so don't say you're looking for a relationship: relationships take time and energy and intent, three things we're willing to extend - - but in return, we're looking for compassion and loyalty and trust, three things you never seem willing to express. Maybe nice guys finish last, but in the race they're running they're chasing after the whores and the sluts and the easy-targets... the nice girls are waiting at the finish line with water and towels and a congradulatory hug (and yes, if she's a nice girl and she likes you, the sweatiness probably won't matter), hoping against hope that maybe you'll realize that they're the ones that you want at the end of that silly race.

So maybe it won't last forever. Maybe some of those guys in that race will turn in their running shoes and make their way to the concession stand where we're waiting; however, until that happens, we still have each other, that silly race to watch, and all the chocolate we can eat (because what's a concession stand at a race without some chocolate?)

By Jessica Leigh Griffith
jlg421@psu.edu
Copyright 2004-2005 by Jessica Leigh Griffith